I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
