can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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