I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
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Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
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I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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