Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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