I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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