Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
