He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
