Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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