I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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