That's when you crack a 10am beer
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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