shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
