its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
