my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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