my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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