Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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