I love black thongs
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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