WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She's the barista slut.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
