She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
