i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
