I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
