News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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