i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
