Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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