I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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