Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Randomize
