i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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