You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
