Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
