So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
