so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
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