Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
