That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.