then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
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i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
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Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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