My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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