Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
my poor anus
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
