I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
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I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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