Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
