You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
