she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
