dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
