i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
