Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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