i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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