So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
