Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
