You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
