i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
