Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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