My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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