It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
