I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
