2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
