Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
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I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
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I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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