I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
