we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
