I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
