she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
