fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
