he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
