I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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