??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
