Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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