If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
