you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
